Me (33m) and my ex (33f) had plans to go to a water park with the kids. We have two and the age gap makes places like these hard to navigate. I didn't want to go. I was in a deep depressive state. I forced myself to go because I knew the kids would have a great time. What I didn't know was how much fun my ex was going to be. It was the first time since our separation (7 months) that we held conversations that weren't about the kids. We giggled and teased each other like the days we were in love. All of a sudden I fell for her all over again. We got back and I lightly pressed on the possibilities of reconciliation but was shot down. Afterwards I thought "what the fuck are you doing, you know why it had to end. Why are you trying to go back to that". My ex was emotionally abusive to me for years. I had to call a lot of hotlines and therapist through buckets of tears to figure out what was going on. When my ex was happy it triggered my old habits of trying to please her so we (her) could be happy. I recognize that I am far to vulnerable. I recognized that I have more trauma that I thought. Don't forget to check yourself when you have those feelings of grief for the relationship. It's ok to have them. Feel them and interrogate there meaning.

Good luck to all of you out there