In a couple of months, we'll have been married 9 years.

Only issue we have right now is in the bedroom. There has seemed to be an "ebb and flow" of sorts, where every few months, we'll be intimate 2-3 times in one week, and then we'll have a stretch of a few months where she won't touch me more than once per month.

When we were dating/engaged before we got married, this was not an issue. In fact, this really started when she got pregnant with our (now 7) daughter, a few months after we exchanged our wedding vows.

I tried everything I could - being more romantic and flirtatious, doing more chores around the house, giving her "alone time" to recuperate from work and rest, etc. Nothing worked. We even tried scheduling it. That lasted for about a month, and then right back to the original cycle.

Everything else is great - we are transparent to each other and supportive of one another. We talk regularly and our talks are great. This is the only issue of contention in our marriage, and it has been for a very long time.

OK, I will admit - I fucked up big time and I take full responsibility for it. When the DB shit first started, it frustrated me VERY MUCH. I made the bad choice to vent about it to the wrong people - mom, sister, on and on. I was wrong for that. A few female friends I vented to, let those conversations turn inappropriate. I felt alone and unattractive, so I made the bad choice of allowing those conversations to manifest into that inappropriate zone, which included flirting. Let it be known, however, that I never touched any of these women... but the conversations were bad enough.

And... my wife logged into my Facebook account one night while I was out and discovered the chat history of these inappropriate conversations.

It was devastating to our marriage. She threatened to leave. She was very hurt (and rightfully so).

I ended all contact with all those women, and my wife and I went into counseling for 6 months. We worked VERY hard to reconcile. We got past it and we had some great takeaways from the counseling.

But throughout all this, the DB continued. Still continues to this day. And I gotta tell ya... it hurts. Every time she rejects me because she's got too much on her mind, or she's tired, or she's sore, or she's got a headache... it hurts. She tells me to not take it personally, but to me that's bullshit. It's almost as if she never had a libido at all - but then I think back to the period between when we became an exclusive dating couple, leading up to the announcement of per pregnancy with our daughter. Her libido was much higher during that time. Now, nothing. I don't even get the sense that when these long time spans go by, she wants it but can't bring herself to fight through a lack of rest to get it from me. No, she actually seems as if she's content that we don't have sex.

And to be this physically attracted to her, and to not be able to express my attraction and love physically... makes me feel unattractive, cold, and alone. It triggers my depression. I binge eat when she rejects me, doing physical damage to my body.

Just wanted to vent. If you read this far, thanks for reading. If you wish to comment, feel free. Tell me how much of a fuck up I am for my admitted transgressions. Feel free. Hell, I feel shitty enough.