I have accepted that until my husband naturally desires me I will abstain from any sexual thoughts with a goal of competently shutting down my libido. But I am also aiming to remove as many of the reasons he doesn't want sex to see if, in 1-2 years, he will change at all, or if he will never want me.

Usually I am the breadwinner and he is a pt SAHD who shares childcare with his parents (we will have 3 young kids as of summer). I lost my job recently so have some time to put into self improvement overall.

1. Avoid the 5 or so behaviors that trigger him and make him dislike me. These are not unreasonable requests. I have ADHD so I frequently doing annoying things. I am focused on the handful that bother him, and not doing those.

2. Give him more alone time and time to sleep in. I'm looking at the overall family routine and seeing where I can take the kids out or take over for childcare needs. Taking the kids out weekend mornings is a big one.

3. Get as healthy as possible. While he claims he doesn't care about my weight I can definitely tell he is into me a little more when I am fit. Will take time after baby but I can focus on it.

4. Organize the house (my stuff/kids stuff) and keep it nice.

5. Spend less money esp until I get a well-paid job.

I can't remove his other stressors like managing his parent's lives but this is a start.

I plan to do all 5 for 2 years and if his attraction towards me doesn't change I am going to request a separation. The clock starts now.