I got sick out of nowhere last week and at first, I felt really weak emotionally since I wanted support and was very close to reaching out to my limerance object (LO). I ended things with this person when I realized they had nothing to offer me but I kept thinking of them everyday for months. I even pulled up their name to text them, but I turned off my phone and put it away. Eventually, I deleted their name from my phone. I knew that if I was able to get through this without contacting them I would come out stronger.

The next few days, all I focused on was myself and healing. I slept a lot, watched a lot of shows I liked and read books, rested a lot, and somehow squeezed in work because I didn't want to get behind or find coverage. I was forced to not think of anything but taking care of myself. I felt like I was in a chamber, closed off from the rest of the world.

I was also supposed to attend a CoDA retreat but since I was sick I couldn't go. A few other people couldn't go either because of the weather so they put us on Zoom and we were able to watch the workshops that way. I met this badass older woman on Zoom whom I admire and I'm so grateful to have met her. I asked her today if she would be my sponsor. She said she'd check with her sponsor and get back to me.

I realized that in the first time in months, I hadn't thought about my LO for days. And whenever I did, I was able to just let the thoughts go without entertaining them. When I thought of him today, I remembered my first impressions of him and how I actually saw the truth about him at the time but didn't want to admit to it, hoping I was wrong. I was able to accept he is who he is and no longer wish or hope he would be different, or how I wish he would be.

Just thought I'd share my experience. Not that I advocate for being sick, but I thought this was very interesting how I came out on the other side! I hope this can stay with me if I happen to relapse.