my mom is/was a drug addict and alcoholic, she was never a good mom and constantly put me in situations where i would’ve been severely hurt or dead all throughout my life. the entirety of my teenage years i maybe saw her 6 times?

the last two years extreme family issues happened and she’s had to be the full time caregiver to both my grandparents and calls me once a month to break down because everything keep getting worse.

I invited her over for christmas because i didn’t want her to be alone (she’s the type of person to OD on christmas then blame it on everyone else for not doing more for her)

i’m genuinely terrified. we have no common interests to talk about, we don’t have any good memories to talk about and my biggest fear is her bringing up my CPTSD and CSA trauma because i’m finally at a place mentally it won’t send me spiraling but i KNOW she’d keep pushing it until i break down.

this post is going no where but i just needed to vent, i’m absolutely terrified of being triggered to the point i have to go inpatient (happened last time i saw her) and im just scared lmao. i have 5 hours tops to mentally prepare myself for the hardest four days i’ve experienced in a long time