I have been with my partner for 9 years. We have been through a lot of highs and lows but I’m not happy with him anymore. For many years now he’s been in his own world and I have unapologetically been living my life. He does not want to be a part of the activities I want to do so I proceed to do them without him. It makes no difference to him. Lately, I have gained some serious interest in calling this quits because I want to have the freedom to live my life without having a relationship to “restrict” me. This morning I picked up my journal where I have several entries from 2020 after we got into a physical and verbal altercation. I relived the pain through my passages. I can’t believe we are still together after that occurred. A phrase I kept repeating in my writing was “he doesn’t care”. We have not been in any physical altercations since. When it occurred in 2020, it wasn’t extreme, but it was never OK. Throughout the years we do continue breaking each other and calling it love. I don’t believe he’s happy with me either. It’s all part of a routine (for lack of a better term). We both don’t want to let go because we have too much established together. We believe we can make this work but we don’t. I’ve suggested couples counseling, therapy, and he agrees but never moves a finger to follow through. I purposely don’t seek the help to see if he will, and doesn’t. I’m constantly bothered by the fact that I want to try but receive nothing from his part. We have a home together. Well it’s mine but he’s remodeled a ton. It feels like OUR home because it is. We share a dog. I love him family. I’m very close to his sister. All of these things have kept us together (at least that’s how I feel). Or speaking from my end. I ask him what he loves about me or why he’s with me and never answers. It’s always something along the lines of “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t”. I’ve brought up separating before and he doesn’t really react. Has no expression and just proceeds with thinking I’m joking or something, because he shows no concern. We’ve been doing this for many years but I want it to be over. Of course I’m afraid of the hurt that will follow. But I don’t know how to intitiate a breakup and have him believe it’s serious this time around. I need help. I want the best for him and I know he will have to move out.. I don’t know how to go about it. He simply never thinks I’m serious. Feel free to ask any questions but I need help from those who have possibly gone through something similar.