She went manic in June, 5 days after us buying a house, what was meant to be the greatest moments of our lives. The usual story she was on SSRIs for 4 years and basically spent all that time cycling through the highs and lows masking her symptoms.

It led to cheating, spending all our money, pure rage against me. She went off the rails on drugs, got involved with a bad guy. We broke up but I had to intervene when her family put her in rehab and she tried to leave, they said she had to hit rock bottom for addiction and no one could help her. I stood up to them, something else is up here and they are an older generation who don't understand mental illness. Got her to A&E, watched the girl I was going to propose to next year go psychotic.

The next 2 months were brutal, me trying to support while her mother enabled her with this guy, I was the bad guy in all of this….

She finally came down but I haven't seen her in a month, she is with family. I should be angry, I am traumatisied. I have therapy, I have read every post on here and the BP subreddits, I understand that with hypersexuality and a breakthrough experience like this it isn't in my interest to stick around. 91% divorce rate? Make that 100% rate in this scenarios…

I sometimes download tinder, swipe right until I run out of matches and go to sleep and wake up to quite a few matches, then delete the app. WHY on earth do I want this one specific girl?! I can see my life without her, I have had a major career breakthrough where I am now set up for life, I am confident, funny and good looking and know I can meet somebody normal. Being alone or without her doesn't scare me in the slightest. It doesn’t feel like a trauma bond anymore…. We went through so much together and didn’t know what the cause of it all was.

She never stood a chance.... her teachers tried to warn her mom something was up, mom just said she's a bit ditzy. Doctor gave her SSRIs and kept increasing them without follow ups. She has basically cycled and cycled until it all went overboard, now what? A life of managing a progressive illness that has already progressed so far at the age of 28?!

Her friends told me that even when she was going over the cliff she was hanging on to dear life at the thought she loved me. She would cry to then saying she loved me and didn't understand what was happening. She never blocked me like I read on here, she would constantly keep coming back.

I'm hurt, I'm angry at her, I love her, I feel sorry for her. This girl I know deep down is a good soul with a horrible illness. We text about the house logistics recently and I can tell she wants to see me but can't face it. I want to say I want to see her but know I shouldn't. I fear I will always compare the next to her.

My life has become much less chaotic, I have routine, I am career driven, my money isn't being spent but I MISS her. I miss the girl who told me she wanted stability, 2 kids and our doggy running around our garden, I do believe that was the real her. So why the fuck am I crying on the train home when I never cry? I'm a guy who has always struggled to cry. The last time I cried was when my grandfather died when I was 16.

It almost feels like this secret society that you don't even realise existed and it's all of sudden unveiled, the world is a much crazier place than I ever thought possible from my privileged position in a developed country where I make enough money to truly experience life without much suffering.

I see all the posts on here, I see the range of emotions at the different stages. Some stay and become bitter and hardened, their life trajectory is radically changed. I am aware of this; I don't feel addicted or attached to her...but maybe I am… or this was real love destroyed by an illness…..

Sorry for the rant, any perspective would be super helpful.