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My boyfriend of 4 years has been collecting and freezing our dogs poo
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I am not the Original Poster (OP). Originally posted 5 years ago by u/dogpoopthrowaway9 on r/relationship_advice.

My boyfriend of 4 years has been collecting and freezing our dogs poo (30 Nov 2018)

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We have lived together for two. A few months ago we adopted a dog who is about 1 year old. Heā€™s very healthy and loving, well trained, a perfect dog.

My boyfriend has a so called ā€œman caveā€ in our house. Itā€™s untidy so I donā€™t really go in there. He has a fridge and freezer there which I assumed was for drinks and snacks.

Today I had some friends over and we ran out of beer so I went to his man cave to see if he had any in his freezer. Turns out he didnā€™t, but he did have a whole fuckload of my dogs poo in there. Frozen. It looks like heā€™s been collecting it for a month. Thereā€™s like 60 bags of poo.

What the fuck??

How do I confront him about this and ask whatā€™s going on? Why would he be freezing my dogs poo??? My dog has nothing wrong with him so thereā€™s no reason his poo needs to be preserved. No one has told us to do this. Wtf?

Tl;dr my bf has been collecting and freezing my dogs poo. What the hell?

Relevant Comments:

  • OOP: Heā€™s been under a lot of stress recently so I wanted to make sure there wasnā€™t some obvious explanation before I go in asking him wtf is happening, and he isnā€™t home for a few hours and I was curious as hell. But alas there is no explanation other than a prank. Iā€™ll update when heā€™s home and we talk. Fuckin weird.
  • OOP: Thereā€™s like over 50 doggy bags. He must have been collecting for a while. My dog poops twice a day but letā€™s say half the time I manage to get to it first, so he must have been collecting for at least 2 months?! Unless heā€™s been separating the poo into different bags?!
  • Commenter: This may sound kind of odd, but how do you know it was your dog's poo? Size..? I mean I have a Doberman so he poops a bit bigger than probably what a human does, so I'm assuming you have a big dog too?OOP: Size (small) and, well, how it looks. When my dog poops (and Iā€™m there to pick it up) I look quickly to make sure itā€™s healthy etc so I know what it looks like. Maybe thatā€™s weird but hey Iā€™m not keeping it...

Update in post, 4 hours later

So my bf came home and I pretty much asked him what the heck he was doing with frozen poo. After an initial non-reaction he put his head in his hands and started to laugh. He explained that his friend from uni is moving to town. His friend and him had an ongoing tradition of gross as hell pranks. Theyā€™ve been in touch recently just catching up before the move and his friend sent a box of bird crap to my bf disguised as a box of chocolates. I didnā€™t know about this. Anyway my bf wanted to get him back by sending him a welcome to town gift from my friends new ā€œbossā€ of ā€œsteaksā€, which he would drop off at his house prior to him arriving. By the time his friend arrived, the steak box would have defrosted, friend would open the box from his ā€œbossā€ and he would open it to just find... our dogs poop.

Like, Iā€™m glad heā€™s not eating it I guess???? The prank is weird, and he didnā€™t tell me because he knew Iā€™d think it was gross and didnā€™t think Iā€™d want to be involved. Which I donā€™t, really. But Iā€™m so relieved I just told him to send 30 bags instead of his confirmed 65. Now I can get rid of the rest.

Iā€™ve also told him to keep me updated on future pranks so I donā€™t end up thinking heā€™s secretly snacking on our pups butt nuggets.

Reminder: I am not the Original Poster (OP). Originally posted 5 years ago by u/dogpoopthrowaway9 on r/relationship_advice.

Comments
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I would never want anything that had been in that freezer. I don't care if it's bags, I believe in cooties and that freezer has dog poop cooties now.

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Yes, it is haunted by poop. It will never be decontaminated from the shit spirits. There is no exorcism powerful enough, not even one done by the Trailer Park Boys themselves.

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šŸ¤®šŸ¤®šŸ¤®

I went and found a copy & paste barf emoji for PC, just to respond to this comment.

RIP Dutch oven.

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I think "the whispering winds of shit" is my all-time favorite line. His delivery too, it's just...perfect.

I understand that they're all actors and all, but how they said some of that shit without dying laughing is beyond me.

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gasp!

thank you, kind soul!

šŸ’ššŸ’œšŸ’—

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done!

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