I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by u/whatabouttea in 2020 in r/AmItheAsshole**.**

I was sleeping, when requests came rolling in with more updates and asking for content warnings, so I'm adding all of that now and explaining it here as a spoiler block. Thank y'all for your amazing research! For some reason, when scrolling back through OOP's post history, my ability to scroll kept maxing out and I couldn't make it back as far as some of you!

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Mood Warning: starts out light-hearted but ends in a scary way

Trigger Warning: stalking, theft of extremely personal items

AITA for ruining my brother in law's day with a purposeful fart? (26 Jun 2020)

BIL and husband co own a house that was passed to them by their father. We live in one half while BIL lives in the other. The only thing we share is the living room and kitchen, the rest is completely separate.

Lately BIL has been making odd comments about my ladylikeness. I am a down home back woods dirt under my fingernails still play in mud puddles basically wood rat of a woman. He's been cutting into hard labour chores I do and tells me he'll do it so I don't hurt myself/get dirty. He'll make positive comments when he sees me cleaning (lucky man!) and says things like "I've never seen you cook! You should cook more!" Note, he does not cook either. I like to look nice here and there. Whenever I do dress up and do makeup, BIL makes comments about how I should do it more often and I look super nice. He has said "dressing up for husband?"

All of these I shut down with "I do it when I feel like it," "I'm doing it for me," etc.

He is not a bad dude overall, hes actually a riot to hang out with, but it's little subtle things spread out and it digs at me as roommates do. Luckily we're moving soon.

Anyways, yesterday I belched in the kitchen because I thought no one was around. BIL pops his head in and jokes "have you ever thought about being more ladylike?" Now the tone is joking but the word "ladylike" is like my emotional tailgating car. Tailgating only makes the person in front slow down. Telling me to be ladylike makes me turn that shit way down. I have mad props to graceful and more traditional ladies if they like it, but I am not one! I say "nope!" and he replies "you should consider it" and leaves the room.

So this morning, I'm walking by the living room, BIL is watching the morning news, and I decide to grace the room with a big long fart. This is the just woke up and shit is moving fart. It is the fart that has been building all night. It is loud, it has vibration, and even in the tiny room it echoes. I'd honestly give it a good 9/10 it was a damn masterpiece.

I thought it was hilarious, immediately. BIL not so much. He proceeds to jump up and rage about how gross it was (fuck I've heard him blow out farts before) and how women shouldn't do that. Unfortunately by this time I am doubled over in tears because I can't stop remembering the fart and his rage has made it even funnier. He gets beyond mad and storms off to his bedroom. It's now 9pm and he is still enraged and hiding in his room. He says it was an asshole move (technically the truth?)

At first husband thought it was funny too but now since it's upset his bro so bad he's leaning towards maybe it was too much and too immature and that I should have just told him that he was being overbearing.

I feel like as a 37yo man, BIL should have known better than to think he can tell a grown woman how to behave. It probably would have been better to talk about it, but who pouts ALL DAY over a fart?

So, am I the asshole for solving problems with an asshole?

Edit: you all are making me cry laughing again. I'm showing my husband and he's come around.

Edit 2: every single fart story is killing me, I feel a tenth of my age right now.

Verdict: NTA

Relevant Comment:

• Asked how her husband feels about the situation: I never complained to my husband about the comments until last night. They didn't bother me THAT much and I shut them down strongly on my own. He was worried about his brother but after I went through the thread with him and we had some good rib busting laughs he asked if I wanted him to talk to BIL. I said no, I've got it. We chatted this morning and it's all gravy. My husband is the FIRST to be my advocate when I need it, I have about zero complaints about him. I understand his sympathy but he only understood half the picture and it took some chatting to get him to understand my thought process. No one's perfect, certainly not me!

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Final Update (27 Jun 2020)

Edit 3: just woke up to this, combing through comments and loving it. BIL came to me when I went to go make coffee and said I made him feel uncomfortable in his own house. I told him it's my house too, and I've seen him do the same unashamedly. He made a couple "but I'm a man" comments and I called it out as sexist. He asked me how it was and I asked how it was NOT. After a few back and forths he started to understand that he is not my husband, this is my house too, and I do not and will not ever meet his southern standard for a woman.

He wraps it up with "... I guess it was kind of funny," and stalks off. I left a coffee peace offering in the living room, where he is enjoying saturday morning programming without a violent crop dust. We're all going to make dinner tonight and have a family make up with hopefully no dinnertable farts (I have SOME standards)

All in all, pretty damn good end result. And I bet I will never hear "be ladylike" from him again.

Still reading EVERY comment, what a way to wake up. You all are a RIOT

There is a further update in the comments, with a link to a post that I have not been able to recover:

I may or may not have laughed a lot while typing it out.

Edit: editing my highest up comment to post the update link as I have been scolded by the mods for editing my post too much lol oops :(

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hpbtnq/update_i_ruined_my_brother_in_laws_day/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Anyways turns out dude is a creep.

Additional Post found by u/Various_Ambassador92:

The short story is, my husband’s brother is really scaring me and I need to get into my own house now. I am not a professional artist but I’m willing to do illustrations in return for help

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The long story is:

I live with my husband and his brother. Both of them co-own this house, but my husband and I were gifted a small piece of the farm by their (now deceased) father. We have been living with the brother to save money to build a little house and we have done so by penny pinching, scrounging for resources, and re-using as many materials as we can.

At first this was all OK, but in the last few weeks the brother has gotten worse and worse up until the point where I can’t stand to be here anymore. It started as jokes about me being a lady, asking me to cook and clean more, telling me to be more ladylike around the house, etc. I brushed him off and stood my ground, and I thought we were fine.

Lately it’s been getting worse. He demands that I cook him meals (“hey, why don’t you go ahead and cook burgers for when I get home?”) and once dumped his laundry in front of my door so I had to pick it up and give it back to him. He was all offended saying I was supposed to do it for him. He demands that I clean up the living room that we “share” but I never get to use because he’s always taken it over. He has, in the past three weeks, shoved his head into my half of the house (separated by door) and complained that it’s cleaner than his because his brother has a wife and it’s not “fair.”

My husband has tried multiple times to tell him to screw off, so he’s started doing things that his brother won’t see or does it when he’s gone. He purposefully hangs around the hallway where my bathroom is when I get out of the shower, so that when I leave he’s conveniently “passing by” and will dip off saying “oops sorry!” after catching a glance of me walking to my bedroom in a towel. So I’ve started scrubbing off and getting dressed in our cramped little bathroom. I used to sing in the shower to music, but in the past couple of weeks he’s started going on about how I have such a beautiful voice and he loves to hear me sing so now I’ve stopped. I’ve also caught him putting my cosmetic oil on his hands and smelling them.

His brother has been after him multiple times to stop being creepy, and the past couple of times he got heated and told my husband that he doesn’t deserve someone like me, how my husband is a bad husband and that I will surely leave him soon.

He’s also made sure to make comments about my appearance or his own lately. Saying he likes my clothes/hair/makeup, that I “fix up nicely”, and whines about how he is “fat and ugly and could never get someone so beautiful.” He’s told me I smell nice and has started brushing my arm with his fingers “by accident” a lot.

The other day I noticed someone had gone through my drawer where I keep our sex toys, and husband claims it is not him. One is MISSING.

I don’t feel safe here anymore. I feel like a piece of meat, and I’ve spent the last week in my bedroom afraid to leave. I only leave to go to the bathroom, go straight to the car, etc. I don’t eat until my husband gets home from work.

We have been struggling to get out for a while, but with covid our hours have been cut and we are really struggling. Originally we were supposed to be able to have moved in by now, but with the extra strain it’s looking like weeks.

What’s most frustrating is that the cost of getting everything fixed enough to move in is an attainable number, but time and time again we’ve saved up only to have a sudden emergency rip away our funds. I just want to lay down to sleep in my own bed and not wonder what’s going to be said when I leave my room again. The new house is nearly a half mile away from this one and the brother won’t be allowed to come by. I’m afraid to leave him around my cat as well as he used a switch to whip him once when he knocked a cup off of the coffee table. I raged at him and he shrugged it off and acted like nothing happened.

My husband is losing it as well. He broke down crying about not being able to provide a safe place for us and our fur baby, and I’ve never seen him sob on the floor before, but he’s just as defeated and tired as I am.

We have worked for years to get better after a bad accident wrecked my ability to work for about a year. We’ve been slowly rebuilding and moved into this house to stop paying rent (the house is paid for and husband half owns it). We’ve sold everything of value to get this house made and have been driving junker cars to make up for it.

I am coming here as a last resort to please ask for help in getting me out of here. It would solve so many problems. I haven’t slept in days and everything is blurring together now.

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Reminder: I am not the Original Poster. Originally posted by u/whatabouttea in 2020 in r/AmItheAsshole**.**