I'm going to tell you about myself, and then I'm going to tell you about my deal-breakers, and then, if you're still here you're going to send a DM--not chat--and tell me about yourself.

I, obviously, live in Riverside. I'm not interested in a commute or online exclusivity. I want something close. I'm 5'11, a bit over weight (in my defense, Hangar 18 has been closed). In addition to climbing, I enjoy the New York Times crossword. I'm knowledgeable, which many find to be a plus. I like video games, and D&D. An ex once remarked, "Of course you're a DM, all doms are DMs." I don't know if that's true, not having had any doms, but I can say it makes me a team player. Naturally, I also like to be in control of the adventure, if you will. I'm drug and disease free. I don't even drink. So, I'm always quick witted. I'm a fun person to cuddle after, you know...

Disgusting and depraved sex. Here's an imgur album with, in this order: my Kink List, my BDSM test, and then a tasteful pajama bulge. I don't send unsolicited nudes, but I sure as hell send solicited nudes. So feel free to ask, as part of an otherwise worthwhile response. I love my cock. I'm sure you will, too. Astute readers might have predicted that, after reading the kink list. But it's okay if you planned on reading that after having finished reading this. In that case, I'm sorry to have spoiled the surprise. You'll just have to forgive me, or I can't see how we move forward.

Now, we move on to the deal-breaker portion of the thing. First, as stated above, you must have forgiven me for my earlier spoiler. Additionally, I love anal. I'm always going to love anal. I will always want to put things in your butt. This includes, but is not limited to, my cock which, spoilers for those who still haven't clicked the link and viewed the final picture, is considerable. Furthermore, I love a rimjob. It is my favorite form of oral sex. A blowjob is fine, deepthroating is well nice, you don't ever have to touch my balls, but occasionally, you're going to have to put your tongue in my ass. Some enthusiasm wouldn't hurt, either. For what it's worth, I also will eat your ass, if you so desire. I'm not a monster. Another thing is I'm a stickler for complete sentences at the very least, but prefer punctuation and grammar and shit too. Finally, I'm not looking for monogamy. I am, however, currently single. In addition to cuckoldry, I'm also into cuckqueaning. That's not a deal-breaker, but it'd be way cool if you happened to be into it, too.

More about me? If you insist. My favorite animal is a bison. That's neither here nor there, but you should tell me what your favorite animal is so I know you read this far. Put it in the subject of the message. For those of you who still haven't gotten it, you can't include a subject in a chat, so don't fucking send one. I would also find it very helpful if, in your message, you included a picture (as SFW or NSFW as you're comfortable with) and your deal-breakers. I'm a heterosexual: I don't want to see a prick. Let us not waste one another's time.

I'm not in any rush. We can get to know each other for a while. I dislike reddit messages, so once we're established as being cool, I'll give you my discord or snap. I have kik, but I truly hate it. So let's keep it as a last resort.

Cheers, Warthog