Hey! Thanks for opening this and humouring me. It's going to be a long one, so get comfy and make sure you've got your reading glasses on with a drink nearby; I've got some low effort jokes and shameless self-advertising to throw your way, so strap in!

Who the fuck am I?

To start this novella I should probably talk about myself. Wholeheartedly, I'm a golden retriever with about the same amount of fur all over. I get excitable about really silly things, consider myself a homebody and can be very easily distracted with a fetch quest. I'm inquisitive, sweet, considerate, honest, talkative, playful and witty to match that puppydog visage. I'm a bit of a country boy too and I build engines for a living, so I'm not worried about getting my hands a little dirty.

I'm not a bad looker and keep myself in shape, (Round's still a shape, shh) and maintain myself at around 85kg/190lbs at 6ft/183cm on the dot. I've got more hair on my body than on my head, but what remains is brown in the winter and goes blonde under sunlight. There's a fair bit of muscle that hides blue eyes and a nice bum, too; happy to verify either of those points. Speaking of, I'd like to verify early on, as I don't want my 28yo crossfit instructor to end up being Keith; a struggling accountant trying to pay back his mortgage in TX. I'm a smoker but DDF and, ofcourse, I'm single. I live alone and I'm financially independent; as you should be too.

And here's something to help the imagination along: https://imgur.com/a/R3VZm9O

To call me a massive dork is to put it lightly. The golden retriever energy comes back hard with my inquisition being applied to the things I'm passionate about. To say I'm a creative sort is putting it lightly. I love to cook and feed people, I'm a miniature painter, I enjoy writing short fantasy stories and I have an eye for interior design that was gained from time spent as an architect; making me the perfect companion for The Sims. I have the same music playlist I perpetually keep adding to, and will not apologise for this, so there's content from my teenage years still floating around in it; I like to think of it like a sourdough starter to make me feel better about that. I'm absolutely fascinated with the natural world and spend a silly amount of time watching nature videos and reading articles, which extends into science too. I enjoy debating ethical matters and consider myself a left leaning socialist/centrist politically. Other past times include a card game obsession, D&D and a casual interest in media, such as anime, TV, movies and video games.

My main goal in life is to maintain my happiness while supporting others; to look after yourself is to look after those in your care by extension. I generally do this by using my free time to pursue my interests, develop myself, socialise or take time for self care. I'm a pretty affectionate person and speak my mind quite forwardly, but I'm a bit of a smooth brain with a short attention span, so spiralling from one topic to another often happens. Some of the links I make to conversation are wild and hours of entertainment.

My approach is soft, inviting and friendly. I encourage, support and listen with as much energy as I'm capable of so you can have that sense of acceptance and validation. I feel like an old man saying this, but I've picked up more than a few tricks after well over a decade of kink. These tricks culminate to give you an environment to be yourself and express; it'll be a safe space for us both to be vulnerable. I can't imagine anything more intimate.

Finally, I'm located in the East Midlands of the United Kingdom. I would be looking for someone in the UK as regular visits and company would be very much desired. I've done enough online dynamics to know it isn't hat I want. Speaking of...

What the fuck do I want?

I'd like to know as much about you as you're willing to share and help organise your life to achieve your goals. This means being in regular, frequent contact to the extent of a TPE arrangement. I believe most dynamics are usually pretty TPE adjacent; there's always an obvious degree of power exchange in each dynamic and TPE is a scale. First and foremost, I feel its the dominant's role to ensure the submissive reaches their full potential while using the skills they develop on the way to develop themselves, with support from the submissive. This would be more than just a kink dynamic to me; this would be helping eachother become the best we possibly can be. How we define that will be up to us, so there will be alot of talking, experimenting and no doubt some injuries that will come along the way. Above all else, I value hoensty, communication and safety and you should too. I wouldn't be looking for something high protocol but I would enjoy some elements, like a collar, honorifics or a uniform.

However, for those keyword hunting, you can consider my interests in orgasm control, rope play, impact play, sensory play, exhibitionism, freeuse, degradation, hypnosis and CNC.

The ideal person would counter/compliment the qualities I have myself. Challenging behaviour really helps to develop us as people in safe environments and I appreciate someone who can see things from an alternate perspective. Yes, I really enjoy brats, how'd you figure that out? A logical sort is always a quality well sought after, as I have a habit of feeling situations out to a more empathetic capacity. A 'hard on the outside' type is always welcome, as it's heartwarming watching that front melt over time. If you're active and outgoing, that would be ideal as it'd give me more room to plan misadventures but homebodies are welcome too; you'll have to deal with alot of my cooking. I enjoy a little clinginess, too. Somebody who takes care and responsibility for themselves is, what I feel, a fairly low benchmark to ask too; I need to know that you know when to draw the line and that you're not wholly dependent on your partner. Bonus points if your wardrobe mainly consists of fishnet based attire.

Why the fuck are you still here?

If you think we'd be a good fit, had a laugh or, more likely, a cringe at this post don't hesitate to get in touch. If at the end of this you're smiling or curious, I think you know what to do. I'll leave you with some local reviews to really seal the deal:

'He will wrap you up and make you feel safe' - A previous submissive on her favourite part of our past dynamic

'Uncomfortably exciting' - A close friend who knows more than they should

'It's a nice shop, but its a bit expensive' - My mother on being informed this is for an S&M ad

'A waste of my time, but lovely to chat with' - A telemarketer who wanted to put the phone down before me

'An honest 8 inches, even when cold' - A Subway billboard that just spoke to me, ya know?

Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll speak to you all soon! Especially you, Keith.