Hi. This is my first post on here, and it's a bit heavy. It's kind of a vent and if it's not allowed I'm sorry. I just hope I'm not alone in this, or maybe I do because I hate the thought of others going through something similar. I don't know. Just a bit of background: I lived in a pretty violent household growing up and was beat on many occasions. I frequently find myself dealing with an internal struggle relating to my interest in bdsm. I worry the abuse I faced is directly connected to my interests and kinks and that really scares me. I know some see it as a good way to face your trauma and cope, but it's hard to accept that my trauma is affecting me like that. I would never judge others like this and I absolutely love and enjoy bdsm, but I sometimes see myself as disgusting or wrong for liking what I do. I don't know, maybe I was never a vanilla kinda girl to begin with. Does anyone else relate or doubt the nature of their kinks? Have you found anything that helps you move past this sort of thing? Again, I'm sorry if this isn't the right place to post this.