I did some searching on this sub, including other posts about vanilla husbands. I didn't see anything for what I'm here to ask, so please forgive me for the small book I may write.

I have been recovering and healing from a full life of severe abuse of various forms, not least of all sexual. I'm at the point where sex is near impossible for various reasons. So, 5 years ago I married one of the most amazing guys I have ever met. Perfect person on every front. Only downside, I have zero physical attraction to him or sexual attraction to his personality. He knows it, I know it, and it is perhaps a reason for marrying him. He is not much of a sexual person, so that helps me a lot.

It's also been about 6 years since I have been able to have sex, and enjoy it to any extent. I am healing a lot, mentally, and therapy helps a lot, but now we come to the question of if there is something else I may be able to do with this vanilla husband of mine to aid in my needs. Even if not sexual?

Most folks here would agree that BDSM does not equate sex. (Especially so for S&M) So I want to talk to those of you who have ever seperated sex and other physical stimulations, and how. For all my experiences in life I still consider myself a newbie with the BDSM realm so it's hard for me to know how to even satisfy my own masochistic (and submissive) needs. Let alone how to communicate or teach that to my timid and loving husband.

So, a submissive and masochist person with needs in those realms that aren't being met, and it's causing me distress. Any activities that can be persued in tandem with a vanilla partner? Preferably with no sex... (I'm not mentally there yet)

I hope these thoughts are coherent. Thank you for reading, at the very least!