Every relationship ends, one way or another.

Three weeks ago I lost my first sub.

My puppy. My babygirl

I also lost her Mommy, the third leg of our dynamic

In one cruel moment I lost my sexy little family in a break up that left them together and me stranded, alone, adrift

I know there was no malice. No one did wrong. The dynamic simply came to an end. My time as her Daddy was over, and my babygirl passed on to someone else. An equally incredible woman who truly mirrored her soul in a way I will never

I knew from the moment I introduced them there was something between them I would never have, and as wonderful as it was to watch it grow it is equally devastating to watch it grow past me

The depths and breadth of emotion the human heart is capable of holding in chorus is profound. How is it possible that I am both joyous at the connection they have found with each other, and deeply furious they have something so wonderful while I am grieving on the outside?

I want scream my rage from a mountain

I want to sing my joy from a church

Compersion is a cruel bitch.

I remember the first time my puppy fell into subspace, how in awe I still am that someone trusted me enough to be in that space. Completely and totally helpless, alone with me in my home, she fully gave her mind and body to me

A stranger of only a few hours, given the greatest gift a Daddy can receive

Submission.

Never will I forget what what that felt like, to be so fully trusted by someone so deeply

What a joy it sings to have. What sorrow it shrieks to lose

A dynamic never flows the same river twice. Each one a moment shared between two souls, a patterned snowflake never seen again in this world

I know I will find submission again one day, but it feels so hard to be Daddy right now. How am I supposed to be my fullest self without that?

A goodbye note is all I have left. One last love letter to her Daddy. Her spirit shines through it as she shone through a room.

Goodbye, babygirl. Daddy still loves you so much, and I am so thankful for the time I had to take care of you.