I'm (28F) writing this with a sad mentality because I don't know how to make it work after communicating time and time again with both parties.

I've been with my main partner, Luke (33M), now for over a year and a half, living together most of that time. We have been friends for five years. When we entered the relationship, I encouraged him to consider being in an open relationship. I wanted the freedom to flirt and have fun, but his main concern was he didn't want me to have multiple romantic relationships. So I suppose on the poly spectrum, we are less poly? This was fine for me. We set some ground rules, adjusted some over time, and everything has been mostly well.

Enter, Ryan (33M), the Dom I never expected. I've always had an inkling for submission, and tried things here and there but nothing ever felt right and never found the right connection. Until...you guessed it...Ryan. He is an online Dom, but the connection and sparks have been through the roof. It's only been five weeks since we started talking, but as the dynamic grew, as it became more real, more intense, it started budding heads with my relationship with Luke.

Luke feels that I've spent too much time talking to Ryan, which is completely valid as I am going through sub frenzy but I am actively working on balancing it and giving Luke quality time. Beyond that, he feels that Ryan cannot have control over me every single day as his sub otherwise he would consider it a romantic relationship. It can only be part time ownership.

Ryan, however, does not want part time ownership. He is committed to making it work, but that simply isn't what he is looking for.

I've grown extremely fond of the connection with Ryan. Being online, and other aspects, I don't believe there would ever be a true relationship in the sense Luke describes it. Luke describes relationship as going on dates, trips, getting to know the parents. But I can't deny the bond with Ryan.

I want to make it work. Ryan wants to make it work. Luke wants me to be happy. Yet, it isn't working.

Luke will always come first but I'm feeling completely devastated after the last talk with Luke when he said he didn't think this would work. Devastated because these connections aren't around every corner for a Demisexual like myself.

How can I make this work? How can I balance both? Do I need to redefine and rediscuss my level of poly needs? Is this situation breaching our defined "openness" that we set in the beginning? If it did...not knowing then that this is something I wanted, how do you redraw those lines when you've been following them for so long?