I (M40) go through troughs when it comes to the kink scene in that I do not like it. Many of people are cliquey, exclusionary, hypocritical, drama, and trouble makers. Personally, I feel the scene holds up the wrong people as almighty and great, and it makes me sad. There’s a big issue with insidious bullying in my local scene too, which nobody can do anything about because it’s supported and encouraged. This is despite all the cool events and munches there are. We’re fortunate to have such a bustling community, unfortunate for it to be full of dominating cliques.

This has made me just hate the whole thing, quite frankly. In addition, I’ve been around a few years and haven’t got very far in finding play partners, and that also makes me sad. I’ve got a few friends, but we don’t play together. My partner has great success in the swinging scene, which is cool for her, and I would like that too.

Rather than rant, I want to understand how I can enjoy the kink scene and find people without being a part of the scene? That does sound like the impossible question doesn’t it?

Feeld has been terrible (for me), and I find Fet is awful for my mental health. However, it seems in order to meet anyone, I have to use Fet all the time, go to every single munch and event, and hope. Sometimes, I get very burnout, and it makes me think whether I just give it up and accept I’m not cut out for it. Do you know what I mean?

It’s a part vent, part rant, and part question. I’m feeling emotive clearly right now 😅