I've been going out a lot and talking to people and trying to live my best life (F21) I didn't have much of a childhood so I guess I'm trying to squeeze in a lot of fun while I can. I've already bailed on my friends multiple times and I haven't been doing my school work and I also haven't been wanting to go to work. And when I do go out I find myself disassociating so fast for a long period of time. I don't want to be depressed again. I don't want to have a meltdown. I just want to be able to hang out and have fun and when I'm alone just be able to be alone without crying. Now I have an essay outline due on Sunday, a script that I was supposed to hand in yesterday??, I need to apply for unemployment, my rent is overdue because I just haven't gotten around to paying it, and I'm just so freakin tired. My insomnia is off the walls. Idk what to do or what I'm doing. I mean I thought I did everything is fine. Was fine. I'm self sabotaging I think and it sucks. I just want to be alone today.