I lost a lot of friends or they just drifted away and don’t talk to me anymore. Now that I have figured out late in life that I’m AuDHD, some of those situations make sense, but others don’t.

When it comes to the handful of friendships that I ruined with my intensity and attachment and “too muchness” … I want to apologize for. Like I literally want to reach out and explain that I (now) fully understand how my behavior was off putting and apologize for not seeking guidance in understanding these things about myself. I know it won’t change things, but I just wish I could explain.

There are other friendships that are gone that I don’t understand though. I look back at those and try to pick them apart and rack my brain for anything I may have done wrong. Some of those folks are still on my social media and I see them watch stories and reels. I see them online and available to message. I have reached out on birthdays and shared memories and photos… they used to respond. They used to talk to me. They flew out for my wedding and now they ignore me. And it hurts a lot but I’m afraid to ask what I’ve done because it will hurt even more for them to ignore that question than it hurts when my “hello, hope you are well!” or “hey, I miss you” messages are ignored.

Sorry for the rambling. It’s just all on my mind. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.