I didn't orgasm with a partner until last year (at 28 years old). For a while I had to help get myself off but he can get me off now too.

I think it's a couple factors. First of all I had to get really comfortable with him looking at me, visually. It's hard to expose parts of yourself like that and for some reason, being perceived is a huge mental block for me.

It's better if I close my eyes (or he blindfolds me) and I focus solely on what I am feeling. I've noticed I can actually entirely lose the sensation if I'm not focusing on it. Some other little "focus!" triggers include having my wrists cuffed together or my legs tied so every time I hit the end of the restraint it's a reminder to focus.

Also, with our more complex setups, we like to talk about what we are going to do before we do it and that gives me the correct mentality. I know what is going to happen. Knowing what is coming makes it so much better for me.