Hey Everyone,

First of all let me wish all of you a good Sunday. I just found this community, and wanted to see if my experience is the same as some of you. I live in Portland, which is 90% white. I was born and raised here. I'm currently working on building my resume in IT so I can move to another city for multiple reasons. One of em is that the dating scene here has been absolutely tragic. Although I'm in my early 30's, I have an old school mindset, so when at the local gay bars, I'll approach in person and chat you up. Unfortunately for me, each time I have tried, they had a boyfriend (Cue awkward laugh track and homer Simpson meme.) I also of course made dating profiles. Tinder, bumble, Facebook dating etc. I rarely match, and if I do, it's usually the time wasted, one text per day type of person. "I'm good, you", "Nice'". On the hookup apps, I used a torso shot. I would get taps, then when a send a face pic, ghosts. When I decided to change that and just put up a picture with face, i attract old white guys. I used to respectfully turn them down, but now I just block them.

I'm also at a disadvantage because I'm late to the game when it comes to sex. I was raised Jehovah's Witness, and broke out of the cult in 2019. From the I spent my time getting my life together, getting in shape, etc. When I went on a Tinder date with a guy that I matched with, he couldn't get past the fact I had only ever had sex once at that point. He literally looked at me and told me, "I'm sorry, I just find it hard to believe you've only had sex once. Your a good looking guy, I bet everyone in here would want to fuck you." This was a black man from Sacramento California btw. It was really disrespectful and didn't even take into consideration about if I wanted them and my experiences. He then said he was a slut and needed it on the regular with someone who knew what they were doing, and he didn't want to be my second. He even said that the waumy I was texting him insinuated that I was giving him some that night. I don't know how he got that from bonding over Brandy, Tinashe and Solange, but dude was a creep.

Ideally, I want a black man, but I don't discriminate. But I'm forced to look at other options due to the limited pool, and everyone else ain't checking for me. I made a post in gaybros about Portland being racist based off of my Grindr experiences. A small few saw the real and agreed and just said keep trying, recognizing the struggle but knowing there is nothing you can really do. Most of em deflected and said "They have a preference, quit calling everything racist." One said, "maybe your just not as hot as you think you are." This was the same community that was salivating over my weight loss journey btw.

I've had a couple of dates and encounters since then. I had two encounters who also grew up as Jehovah's Witnesses. One gradually faded out as texts become shorter and less frequent, and the other was a hookup which had amazing chemistry, but he didn't want to see me again. I can't seem to get past two dates if it gets that far lol. Last person though I broke it off with him. He was in his late 20's and Asian. I liked him but there was too many red flags, one of em being that he always wanted to go to places that requires a lot of driving and he didn't have a car. I am not your chauffeur, not with these gas prices. But that's just some of my experiences. Feel free to share some of yours.