saw him recently—feeling like i just have to tolerate him until he dies. he said if i don’t want him to ever talk to me he’ll do that. enticing but taboo & difficult to coordinate around other family

him and my mom came to pick me and my cat up. he does this thing where he yells insults at my mom and tries to be physically intimidating. childhood living with them was not pleasant. in the meantime he also likes to insult me. i moved out ~4 yrs ago and in the span of a yr this is the 2nd time he’s gotten in my personal space idk what to do i just take it

i started living alone 2 yrs ago and i guess he feels comfortable being loud & mean without roommates present. mom reminded him neighbors can hear so after that he just said the things he normally would but quieter

each time i was put in a bad mood, crying so i’m like “i don’t want to visit i want to stay here alone.” he is for some reason very bothered by this. he insists i go w them and i repeatedly deny. the first time he got all up in my face i kinda blanked out. i wish i could erase my memory. it’s worse internalizing what he says. forgetting is nice too. he only left after i agreed that my mom could spend the night. if they’re not fighting each other they’re fighting me

recently he did the same thing. he said “let’s go” at least 10x and by that point i think it’s evident that i’m not changing my mind? my mom finishes an inane speech about how she blames herself and she wishes we were a family that went to church, hopes i pray, etc. he comes over to comfortingly rub her back and lift her beanie up to kiss her on the forehead. i’ve only seen them display physical affection once—in middle school or hs they held hands at the mall. last time i was there they had an argument and he came into my room to say “i think there’s something wrong with her head.” manipulative as fuck. she told him not to force me to come but she got real quiet after that. i was sitting on my bed and eventually he tries to carry me, grabs my wrists so that i’m standing up. earlier she had said “there are families worse than us” like i’m supposed to be comforted by the fact that he’s not beating me to a pulp. i still don’t see good reason for him to touch and move me? was i supposed to pull opposite and sit back down? i don’t know why i didn’t

i live here…if i want to stay bc you came in with some bullshit…why am i leaving with you

he got what he wanted and now he thinks it’s okay to do that

i feel so defeated. i listen to him say “you’re a lost cause” “I don’t know how to put in words what’s wrong with you” “your brother is smart he’s young but very smart” “do you understand english?” i know what let’s go means do you understand that i don’t feel like getting in a car with you?

righ before my mom somehow forgetting how many times he called her dumb in the last hr and pulling me up “i sacrificed so much to bring you to america“ “you don’t care about your parents” “you only think about yourself. think about how we feel. i drove here for you not to come it hurts my feelings” like i wasn’t ready to go when they got here: cat in carrier, packed toothbrush, etc. and my feelings weren’t hurt? my feelings today and while you raised me? i’ve only refused to go twice—he forgets the hundred other times it was tolerable. come back another day and don’t be nasty in my apt. it’s what i moved away from