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Recently I listened to a podcast shared in this group with someone discussing their Aphantasia ('Around Grandfather Fire', episode 60).
It struck me how his experience is not my experience. In particular, it seemed like he didn't do "Mental Time Travel".
We both have full, no senses at all, Aphantasia as well as SDAM. But he discussed having no inner monologue.
I've read some stuff on SDAM that seemed to include 'trapped in the present' in a way that doesn't resonate with me. Mind you, I've never relived a "memory" either, so some SDAM descriptions definitely do fit my experience.
But I Mental Time Travel frequently. Back.. Forward... even Sideways sorta (for lack of a better word).
If I do or say something stupid, I can ruminate on that for days or even weeks if it is stupid enough. That's probably the bulk of my past mental time travel. My past is still just facts like others with SDAM and not proper memories, but that's still enough for me to dwell on at times.
Looking forward, I'll sometimes plan conversations in my head. An an example, I started thinking of this post a couple of days ago. This isn't quite a conversation, but I was similarly 'thinking about how to express myself'. Various phrases used I pre-planned, as well as what points I wanted to cover. Other things besides conversations can be planned this way as well.
By 'Sideways' I just mean some conversations I'll 'plan'... are totally ridiculous. Like thinking of some argument to yell at your Senator about for example. It isn't really a plan, I know it will never happen. Just a way of venting in my head I guess.
The guest on this podcast spoke as if he never does this. Past mistakes weren't dwelled upon at all. Conversations never involved planning what you'd say ahead of time, and in general it sounded like he rarely planned anything at all. He spoke as if he really were 'always in the present'. That is not true for me. I may not be able to daydream proper, but I can definitely get lost in thought. Even in the middle of a conversation I can get lost in my head on some tangent and miss something.
All of my 'Mental Time Travel' is done by simply talking to myself in my head (via Subvocalization). My inner monologue is basically going at all times. I was wondering if this was the key detail that explained our different experiences. Is this 'trapped in the present' experience due to a combination of SDAM with No Inner Monologue? That might explain all the quotes about SDAM I've read that didn't feel right. Or maybe there are people who experience that even though they have an inner monologue and this is just some red herring?
So... question to the various SDAMed out there. Do you mental time travel at all, and do you have an inner monologue (and for that matter, is it constant like mine, or something you do occasionally)?
I don't think feeling ashamed by something you did and redoing a conversation in your head is the same as mental time travel. I do have an inner monologue and I can create conversations in my head (even tho I can't hear other voices that arent mine) and I am pretty sure I have SDAM as well (as my past is just a bunch of facts i tell myself and don't include any sensory information and a relieving experience) ;
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