so i have these habits that can be really really inconvenient and sometimes really distracting. idk if its ocd but i was talking to a friend and they said it overall sounded like it, but ya know who knows. im also want advice on how to stop some of these habits.

before i mention any of these, i do have slight depression but bad anxiety.

one of them is with my hands. i have to keep my knuckles cracked at all times. if i dont it doesnt ya know.. *feel* right. another is kinda hurtful to myself. i press my fingers into different objects, like just feeling the pressure, and if i dont do it every time i need to it drives me crazy. thing is, it causes bad calouses on the tips of my fingers and they can hurt really bad.

another thing is when im doing dishes. i have a certain way i do them. whether its handwashing or putting things in the dishwasher. i have a specific order and place for every type of dish. and if that order isnt there or a dish is not in its designated place, it drives me crazy. like i need to have the bowls in the middle, plastic on the left and cups on the right. you can only have six pieces of silverware in each little space. and then theres handwashing. big stuff first of course. then plastic. then bowls. then cups. thats normal right? but then theres certain things. my dads coffee cup. it has to be on the right hand front side or i cant stand it. just those kinds of things.

I dont know why exactly i do these things. it just really helps calm a lot of my anxiety. if these things dont happen, im really stressed out and anxious and irritable. i will go out of my way to do it just so i can have some relief.

some other things i do to relieve that kind of stuff- (might sound stupid) i play these childrens dress up games, and i choose the outfit that *feels* right. and what feels right changes a lot. like some days i can only have a shirt or dress if it doesnt have sleeves. if theyre wearing something with sleeves it leaves me really bothered and it doesnt feel right. then other days the dress or skirt has to be a certain amount of puffy. droopy skirt just doesnt feel right.

all of these habits have to be done or i feel really anxious. why it makes me feel better, i have no idea. it just does and it can be really distracting sometimes. but if i dont do it i just have this feeling of dread.

so yeah if you took the time to read this thanks, it means a lot. im not looking for a diagnoses or anything, im just wondering if ocd could be a possibility and if i should talk to someone about it.

and is there anything that could maybe help without having to do some of the more time consuming and destructive behaviors? thank you:)