Seven years ago, I (35F) lost my husband, daughter, and mother to a car accident. They were hit by a drunk driver that drove though a red light and killed all of them on impact. Their deaths greatly effected me and if it weren't for my friends and years of therapy I would be in a much lower place, I am very thankful for their support and have been able to process my grief properly. Two years ago, I took a job offer that provided more benefits than my current one, and moved far away from my city to another. I travel back to occasionally meet up with friends and of course to visit my family's graves on their death anniversary. It is a 7 hour car drive, or around an hour by plane. Due to Covid, last year I drove to avoid contact with people and stayed at my old house. This year I plan to do the same thing but ran into an issue with my friend having her wedding in my old city.

My friend "Amy (33F)" (fake name) announced she was engaged last year to her boyfriend of 3 months. My friend group and I were quite shocked as we never even met him nor did we know she was dating anyone as we usually tell each other, but nonetheless we congratulated her and were happy for her. They were supposed to have their wedding last year but couldn't due to covid and postponed it to this year. We are not in US btw, and covid cases are now less than 10 here in my country. We are allowed gatherings of less than 15 people, and that is what Amy decided to do for her wedding. About a week ago Amy called me privately to tell me her plans for the wedding. She told me that she is having it on the same day of my family's death anniversary, and would like me to not visit their graves and just attend the wedding instead. I was quite shocked that the wedding was planned that specific day and questioned as to why she picked that day, Amy told me she just liked the number date and told me that I can't just gate-keep a certain day. Then I asked her why can't I go visit my family's grave, she told me that she doesn't want my sadness and grief to take the attention at her wedding. I was incredibly stunned at what she said. I know I am quite emotional, but I know how to compose and behave myself at certain events.

Here's where I think I am the AH, I told Amy that unfortunately I will not miss out on visiting my family's graves. I tried to ask for a compromise and told her if my emotions were that much of a problem, I'll attend their graves after the wedding was over. She said she wants my support for the entire day and dedicate it towards her, but she'll think about my offer. It's been a week and I have not heard from her, I feel like should just go to the wedding to keep the peace as I owe it to her, especially after all the support and love she gave me after my family's death. But it still doesn't feel right that just attend the wedding and forget about my family. Would I be an AH if I told her I won't be attending the wedding at all if she hasn't reached a decision?