I've been friends with this girl for over 10 years, and we've always had an amazing friendship. We lived in the same city until two years ago when we both moved for our jobs.

A year ago, I was going through an incredibly difficult time, and my friend was there for me in every way possible. I visited her, stayed for about a week, and she took care of me—cooking, cleaning, comforting me while I cried, and just being incredibly supportive. I kept telling her I would leave soon, but she insisted I stay longer. I was in the worst mental state I’ve ever been in, and being there really helped. I eventually stayed for two months, and even though I was deeply grateful, I struggled to leave.

Since then, I've been continuing therapy and meds to help me heal, and while I'm doing better, I'm still dealing with some mental health challenges. I often have very little energy for anything, even the basic stuff like eating, showering, or working. Interacting with people, even my closest friends, takes a lot of effort.

That said, I still care deeply about this friend and make the effort to visit her every month or two, check in with her daily, and talk to her several times a week. We also plan vacations together when we can. Recently, she’s been going through a rough time herself, dealing with childhood trauma and struggling with anxiety and depression. I’ve been there for her as much as I can, checking in regularly and offering support.

But she’s been asking me to visit her again, and I just can’t bring myself to do it. Work has been really demanding, and I’m emotionally drained. I feel guilty because I know how much she needs support, but I’ve already been carrying a lot of emotional weight lately. I know she’s frustrated, and she’s even accused me of not caring about her, despite the fact that I talk to her constantly and try to be there in every way I can.

On one hand, I feel selfish for not reciprocating the care she gave me when I was at my lowest. On the other, I feel like I’m at risk of abandoning my own well-being if I push myself to go. I need my routine to stay mentally stable, and I’m just not in the emotional place to take on more right now.

So, AITA for not going to stay with her when she’s struggling?

I think an important thing to note is that we meet around once a month and stay at each others place for a week. I go to her more often than she comes to me because I live with other people and she lives alone. The visited her in early October for a week then in early November for another week and she came a week ago as well and we plan on spending Christmas together. But this whole thing emerged because she wants me to visit again this week or the one after. Initially I agreed because I was feeling guilty but then when I thought about it I just felt so drained. I’m tired of all this travel.