Truly an inspiring and witty title, I know. Hopefully it gets the point across that I’m not interested in short term, and I don’t really care where you are. Closer is obviously better, but the more compatible we are the less I care about a temporary problem like distance.

I’d planned to err on the side of brevity instead of writing some overly loquacious nonsense about my perfect partner, my dream relationship, and what a mind bogglingly awesome catch I am. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I may have failed after a few iterations. – I don’t want to make myself sound too good to be true, but I also don’t want to undersell myself harder than I have to, and I don’t want either of us to feel like we’re settling. I want this to be our dream relationship, not just mine.

I’m 5’10 and attractive if you go for muscular dad bods and business casual. I’m pale, I have gray blue eyes, dark hair, veiny hands, and a deep voice. I lift regularly, I do BJJ recreationally, I’m a good cook, I have a very high sex drive, and yes I realize those last two are particularly subjective. I like video games, bad tv, good restaurants, and the rest of the usual suspects. I can travel easily, and would like to, but I don’t because I have no interest in doing it by myself.

I don’t want to put a giant kink list here, but I’m very open minded, and I have real life experience with DDLG, age gaps, and a lot of other kinks. I’m not submissive in the slightest in or out of the bedroom, but I’m also not a control freak and I respond well to reason. I have experience with TPE in relationships, but it’s not a mandatory kink.

I don’t want to have to choose between great sex and a great relationship, and to be honest I’m not convinced you can really have a great relationship without great sex. So as contradictory as it may sound I’d love to find someone who can be my partner in addition to my arm candy and Fleshlight.

None of those three are optional. I don’t care what you do (or want to do) for a living as long as you enjoy it and have enough time for a relationship. I have an amazing work/life balance, and I want to be able to enjoy my life with someone.

If I sound interesting, send me a message with a little bit about yourself, and we’ll go from there.

“A little bit about yourself” includes your age, and a brief description of yourself and what you look like at minimum. It doesn’t have to be a wall of text, but give me a starting point.