Kinda here just hoping somebody can help me sort fact from fiction in a sense. And it's gonna take a good bitta backstory too. So here goes.

So I(M27) live in Ireland and we've had it a bit rough over the past 2 years going in and out of Lockdowns and my usual socialising outlets reduced or straight up shut down. Pubs have limited opening hours, nightclubs have barely opened in 2 years, rent in this country is fucking ridiculous so I still live at home with my parents in the countryside. Over the past two years two of my closest friends took their own lives. One in August 2019 and the other in June 2021. So when something like that happens I feel natural instinct is for a group of friends to come together and spend time together but the Government is literally trying to stop people doing that (I understand why but surely you see the issue)

As well as this last March my ex who I was genuinely head over heels for though she made me upset at times broke up with me suddenly. We were only together for 7 months but then in an instant her, her family who I had worked hard to get to know, her whole friend group who I tried to fit in with since I spent time with her when I at least couldn't see my close friends all gone no longer in my life out of the blue

Even in work I'm working so hard for a promotion but we had a new manager take over the shop and 8 staff left. Sure I wasn't incredibly close with them but some of them I've worked with for 5 years.

People in my life are vanishing and I'm just becoming miserable and I know I wasn't always like this. People have said before "you're always so positive" and now my friends say I'm aggressive and arrogant. I've lost any and all motivation to talk to anyone other than my closest friends in any manner other than face to face. I hate using my phone and responding to boring text after boring text of people messaging people just because they can. Everytime I do get to go out and see my friends they're with people we know who I at this stage just don't have the time or energy for. I didn't come out to the pub to see my best friends just to talk to some girl we kinda sorta know shit talk about some guy I've never heard of. I'm not doing it deliberately but I think it's clearly an involuntary reaction to recent events.

Other things that I've gone through the past few months include having my savings stolen (though eventually recovered), losing access to my bank account for 3 months, severe stress from work.

Now I as I look forward to the future what appeals to me most is moving away to a different country, living alone, never marrying, never having children. I look at the world and see it as a fucking shit hole and I don't see it getting any better in the years to come so why bring a child into this mess.

I don't know if some or all or none of my views are justified. I'm just so tired of this hopelessness.