I've slowly started to realize that I'm hitting the age where I'm "old" (white hairs were kind of a shock)

I've not really ever even dated... I've got almost zero experience in outside of structured socialization (and kind of suck at even that)

Trying hard to not sound pathetic and worthless, again, failing badly. And after spending years, trying to pretend I'm cool, and somehow desirable, I'm deathly afraid that I have nothing, and no one, to really keep going for.

Everything is a mask, that I can't afford to keep wearing. I'm also very terrified of ending up in a "home" since I've seen how those treat people like me, and its VERY negative (and expensive)

I've got almost zero family either (most of them either abandoned me, or never even knew I existed in the first place) and don't really have anyone I could consider a close friend that I talk with much.

How do I salvage or recover anything and get life started, when I have nothing to even start with?