I got an anonymous request for "F4F with a chubby fairy" and like IDK who you are anonymous requester but you're speaking my language.

I imagine the speaker having a bit of a posh accent that turns less posh when they get flustered, but as always do what you feel! And modify it however you want. Hell genderflip it if you want. There's not enough chubby tsundere audio roleplays out there for either gender if you ask me. Good to monetize and as always I dig feedback.

Scientists say the best way to keep fae out of your fridge is to swing by my Ko-Fi!: https://ko-fi.com/timeraft (Or whatever I don't feel comfortable asking people to do stuff)

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Dialogue in plain text

Context in italics

Sound effects in bold

Context that changes the audio in bold italics

Listener comes home from the store and begins putting groceries in the fridge. They have a problem though. Their fridge is a portal to the realm of a beautiful fae enchantress, who's very demanding and kinda tsundere. And the listener just doesn't have the energy for that shit today.

Fridge door opens

Who dares disturb me?!! I, the lady of the fridge, am not to be bothered by your mortal concerns!

Ah my loyal servant I have been expecting you. How fares life in the grey world beyond my portals? I had my goblins clean out this fridge for you. It's quite lovely isn't it?

Did you bring the butter I asked for?

Yes thank you servant.

How do I look today? Quite lovely am I not? My Raven hair shimmers as the river beneath the starry sky and my grey eyes shine like silver in the moonlight. Am I not the most beautiful being you’ve ever seen?

Listener names their current celebrity crush

Ok I’m going to let you try that again.

Listener compliments them

Ah thank you, your words flatter me. I woke up like this. Perhaps if you like I could give you some tips on how to look this good.

Under breath-we can start by finding you something that isn't flannel

No? Well alright then I’ll keep my secrets.

You may close the door now servant, but stay near for I may have need of you.

Fridge door shuts

Hey! Hey open the door you cheap sucker! This is margarine! I can't feed my goblins this crap!

Listeners opens the door again

Hmmph I should put a hex on you for that but I’ll forgive you if you go back to the store and get some actual butter. The salted Irish stuff. And I shall accept no less!

No? No!? Did you just refuse a request from I [Name] one of the nine queens of the eternal Forest? Mistress of sorcery and keeper of the key to the gates between worlds? How dare you! It is no longer enough that you fix your mistake! Nay I now demand tribute mortal! I demand retribution for this insubordination!

If you want to avoid my terrible wrath go forth and bring unto me a cheeseburger!

What? It's hard work being an ethereal fae sorceress! I’m hungry! Go get me a cheeseburger!

With some sweet potato fries too, and maybe an Iced tea? I don't know I'll leave the drink up to you.

Listener sarcastically says they should get a salad instead

Hmmm yeah actually a salad does sound rather nice. W-wait wait a minute!

Did you just call me fat! You dare? Why I ought to-!

Door shuts again

Don't you dare shut the door on me! Get back here this instant you insolent little twerp!

Frustrated muffled shouting

Oh that's it!

You’re over! You better call Ken Burns because you are history!

I’m coming out there and your ass is mine, you flannel wearing punk! We’ll see who’s fat when I turn you into a harbor seal!

They crawl out of the fridge. Knock a bunch of stuff over, act like they meant to do that and shut the fridge door.

Yes that's right mortal! You’ve angered me for the final time! Prepare to suffer the consequences of insulting an enchantress! One touch of my finger and your life will be undone, replaced by whatever fate I weave for you.

Bibbidi bopidy BOOP!

A few seconds pass

Ok um do you feel cursed? Usually there's a lot more sparkles when I’m doing a magic.

Yeah so it looks like nothing is happening.

BOOP!

Gosh dang it!

They do a couple more boops

Why isn't this working!! Augh!

It must be something’s cut me off from my magic. I don't suppose there's any metal in that fridge door?

Steel huh? Well I guess that would do it.

Yeahhhhhhhhhh

Ok how about you stand right here. I’ll go back and open that door and we’ll take it from the top?

Listener tries to run

Hey don't run away from me!

Oh no ya dont!!

They grab the listener from behind and lift them up

Yeah you think this is some video game where mages are useless without their magic? You know what I do when I’m not doing enchantress stuff?

Powerlifting! I might look fat, but I’m pretty strong.

So I’ll just kick your ass, then open the fridge back up and put a spell on you!

Surprised Oh you smell really nice

They get distracted and lose their grip

Hey stop it! Stop squirming!

Ok so you got your phone out. What are you gonna do call the cops?

Mocking voice

“Oh oh officer help me, help me, a beautiful witch came out of my fridge and wont let me go!”

Yeah I'm sure they'll pop on over reallllll quick for you.

Listener grabs their phone and connects it to a bluetooth speaker

Bluetooth sound

What are you trying to do? Put a soundtrack over your demise?

What's that you’re about to play?

Nervous realization

N-n-nickelback?

Nervous laughter

You must have heard that silly rumor on the internet that listening to nickelback makes fae’s heads explode.

Well it's not true so you might just as well put it away.

Listeners gonna do it

No it's not true! I just don't want you to play it because- because I don't like them!

Oh they have a new album?

T-that's nice, but um I would still rather not listen to it please.

Listener almost does it

Ok ok you win! I’m sorry! It’s true.

Please don't blow up my head. I’ll put you down.

They put listener down and begin to babble nervously

Why don't we talk this over? I was so rude earlier. I love your hair by the way.

Well I wouldn't characterize myself as bossy per se……

Listener is understandably a little upset

Hey don't yell at me. I’m sensitive.

Ugh! It’s just- It’s Just

I just don't get any respect on the other side of the fridge ok! I accidentally made a portal to your fridge and I was about to close it and then I saw you and you seemed so bored and lonely.

So I thought you’d be all mystified to have an enchantress bossing you around. Maybe I could put a little magic in your life. It felt nice to be all imperious and stuff, nobody takes me seriously over there. And I was hoping maybe you would. Besides you look like one of those degenerates that wants to be bossed around by a powerful woman.

They dramatically flop down on the floor and begin throwing a tantrum

but it's all the same even here. I’m just too fat and ugly and I might just as well go die.

Please get off the floor

No I don't wanna! Just let me lie down here and pout! I’m having a tantrum!

Half hearted tantrum noises

Listener squats down with them

Hey I didn't give you permission to get down here with me!

Besides you’re so good looking and this is the ugly girl floor.

Listener compliments them

You’re just saying that! You don't really think I’m beautiful!

Listener does it again

Oh stop!

NO! I will not join you on the bed.

Even though I’m getting cold and it sounds really nice.

Ugh! Fine!

They move to the bed in the next room

Yeah this is pretty nice. It’s actually good to just drop the poise and the grace and stuff. Can you maybe cuddle with me?

This is kind of odd to ask, but do I smell nice?

Like lilacs? I’m going for lilacs.

Listener confirms

Thank you!

I’ve had a bit of a rough week. Do you mind if I just vent?

Thank you. You're so gentle and kind.

So me and all the other eight enchantresses get all these knights and heroes and stuff fighting over our affections. They go questing for us and ask us for like signs of our favor and such. Y’know knightly bullcrap. And I get quite a few, but only if one of my sisters turns them down. I’m never anybody's first choice y’know? Hell even my mom gets more than I do. Its hard not to let it get to me.

A little while ago I had this knight go on this quest to meet me. I was really kind of flattered, because it seemed like I was his first choice.

He made it through the challenges and everything. I had to go easy on the riddles and stuff because he was a bit of a himbo and after all that fighting and wandering and stuff he finally finds my tower. I was really excited.

And I just pulled out all the stops for my first impression. I had my favorite outfit on and did like a full face. I was on point! It doesn't get any better looking. I whipped up a bunch of fog and backlit myself and had the wind blowing through my hair. I have literally never looked any better. And I just sort of ethereally glided towards him.

And you know what he says?

You know what this guy says?

He says “You’re pretty hot for a fat chick!”

So he’s a squirrel now.

You see?! You see the crap I put up with? I think I’m damn hot without any qualifiers thank you very much!

So I’m sorry I was rude. It’s been a rough week, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

I wasn't really gonna turn you into a seal

Embarrassed quiet voice

I was gonna turn you into a cat. And snuggle with you.

What? You’re pretty and you smell nice and I just want to bury my face in you! I wish there were people like you where I came from.

I guess I have a bit of a crush. Not that it's not obvious or anything.

Hey uh what are you doing?

Smooch

Oh uh ok, can we do that again? I wasn't ready.

Smooch

Ok let's do one more just for luck

Smooch

Oh screw it!

Makeout sesh

Laughter

Thanks

I really needed that. Both the venting, and the uh, extra part.

I’m surprised you feel this way after how I talked to you.

Yeah I’m still down for that salad, that sounds like a good time.

Your place or mine?

-30-