Script Archive:https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/x9hb9v/script_archive/

Sequel!: https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/yg7cdw/f4a_your_new_girlfriend_is_totally_not_a_witch_p2/

I've been sitting on this one since last October but figured I might as well let it loose as we come up on spooky season. It was originally F4F but it didn't effect the plot much so I made it more gender neutral. I'm honestly not really sure how I feel about it lol. I don't do Yanderes very much. I also keep coming back to witches for some reason IDK. Feel free to modify to better fit your speaking style or mess with the genders or whatever. Good to monetize and modify! As always I dig feedback.

Its the same setting as this one but with a different character: https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/u5csav/f44_witch_forces_a_jerk_to_shape_uptsundere/

The listener has a new GF. She's pretty great but seems to have some odd abilities and a tendency to pop up in odd places knowing things she shouldn't know. And just where are all her exes? Listener has got some questions, but is it smart to ask? Probably not.

Dialogue in plain text

Noises in bold

context in italics

Context that changes the audio in bold italics

The listener comes home to find their GF in the kitchen. The listener is a litttttle paranoid in general so this freaks them out a bit.

Heyyyyy sorry to surprise you but I thought I’d let myself in.

Have you eaten? Good! I have some food ready.

I know it's been a rough day, lots of mandatory overtime and all that jazz. and if I know you you were probably planning on just skipping dinner and going straight to sleep. So I thought I’d swing by and whip up a little something for my poor tired little significant other.

How did I know it was a rough day? Just intuition. I know these things. C’mon let's eat!

What do you mean how did I get in here? I used my key.

I don't have a key? Rightttt yeah I don't have one do I?

Well I guess it must have not been locked.

Yeah I know you're a little obsessive about locking the door, but hey we all miss stuff sometimes. Don't worry about it. Honestly I think it's kinda cute when you suddenly try and remember if you locked the door while we're out. Like a scared lil chipmunk.

So yeah it wasn't locked and I just let myself in.

Don't call me suspicious! You’re suspicious!

I cant enter locked doors so it must not have been locked.

What do you mean I can do weird stuff like that? I’m a perfectly normal person with absolutely no eldritch powers!

Listener Shyly shares their suspicions.

You think I might be a what?

A witch?!

Well the proper legal term is sorceress- I mean whattttttt. Meeeeee? A witch? That's silly. You’re silly. You’re so funny. The season must be getting to you. Too many scary movies.

Nervous laughter

The listener cites their evidence one bit at a time.

Ok yeah I do tend to pop up at random when you aren't expecting me but that's just a coincidence. We work close to eachother and live in the same neighborhood. It's bound to happen! I’m not like magically watching you and teleporting to your location or anything.

Yeah I have a black cat, but like who doesn't? Black cats are cute! Plus Allispurr Meowly has a grey splotch on his left paw so he's not even a fully black cat.

That's not a cauldron, that's a Dutch oven!

Yeah I trained the crows in the neighborhood to do things for me. It's surprisingly easy. I followed a wikihow walkthrough.

I talk to them? Of course I do. You know me, I love animals!

Ok yeah so I have toads as pets. So what? Toads are cute! They're like big grumpy looking chubby froggos. Plus I love building terrarium terrain!

Ok fair I can see that the fact that I name them all after my exes might seem kinda spooky. But that's just how I move on! Let me cope!

Whatttttt? No way I don't turn my exes into toads, what a silly idea. You’re such a goof. I mean C’mon you’ve even met Jessie! Don't you remember? At the eh- the park. They waved!

Listener questions where they are now.

What are you, the witchfinder general? Jessie moved to Toledo last year.

Did I say Spain last time? Toledo, Spain! Yeah that's it.

You know what? How about you call them! Yeah that’ll put this to rest!

They are surprised that the listener calls their bluff.

Oh uh let's use the wall phone.

Phone ringing

The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected

Nervous laughter.

Well I guess they must have changed numbers. Yep what a Jessie move. Always switching towns and changing phone numbers. That was kinda their thing. Yeahhhh

Ok look I think you’re looking at this all wrong.

If I was a witch, (Which I’m totes not) I would tell you. Unless I had a good reason not to. And don’t you trust me to make that kind of decision?

Their voice gets a little scarier

And if I was in fact a witch you'd be better off listening to me when I told you not to worry about it. If I have all this magical power I could be a dangerous person to you. I mean you might wake up one day to find I put your soul in a jar, or trapped you in a mirror. Who knows what some kind of evil witch might do to somebody that asked too many questions. If I am a witch you're really playing with fire right now. Maybe you want to find out where Jessie went?

Listener starts to get scared

Reassuring

Woah hey relax there pumpkin that wasn't a threat! Just conjecture. Like I said I'm just regular old not witch person.

On the other hand if your silly little idea was true it might be good to, oh what do they say “don't look a gift horse in the mouth?” Yeah I could be good to have around if I was a witch. I mean who doesn't need a little magic now and again? If I was in the background helping you out a little bit you might have it made. I mean who knows. Worth thinking about. Just because I'd want to keep it secret doesn't mean I'd be above a little magical meddling.

They get a litttttttle Yandere

You might come into work next week and find out that you have a new much nicer boss. Your old one nowhere to be found. I mean if I was a witch I’d be rather hard on people who were always trying to take away time you should be spending with me. And I’d have lots of ways to get rid of them. Lots of ways to keep you an inhabitant of my own little magical world. Maybe one day I'd just snatch you right up and keep you forever.

Again not admitting to anything!

sigh

Look if I give you a smooch will you promise to drop all this nonsense? I promise it'll be a really good one!

C’mere cutie

They grab listener and pull them closer

Smooch

Now if I was a witch that kiss would have placed a spell upon you. The kind of spell that would make you lose your voice when you started to ask silly stuff like that.

But since I’m not a witch I obviously didn't. So do you have anything else you want to ask? Any other little suspicions nibbling away at that cute little mind of yours?

Listener does not say anything

No? Well isn't that funny. I guess we’re good then. We'll continue this conversation never.

Now C’mon! Dinners getting cold! Look at how cute I made the table! I brought a tablecloth and candles and all kinds of good stuff! Let's celebrate getting through a rough day.

Hmm the candles went out.

They smile evilly

Nah I don't need a match.

SNAP!

-30-