Ok… looks like they’ve all gone down to the club for the night… lights in the windows are off… well except one but they probably just forgot to turn it off… we’re all set, great I was getting hungry… not to mention I’ve been meaning to add to my shiny collection for a while… let’s see… front door…

(locked door sounds)

Locked… Yeah I guess I’d only be that lucky once… hmm… same with the back door too…. Ah hah, there we are, they left the windows open… ah well, at least after this they’ll think to close them, a public service really, I’m too kind….

And for my next trick I’ll just- squeeze through… ow… that was harder than I expected… I really gotta cut down on the carbs… hey this is a pretty nice place, let’s see what we got here… ooh cookies those are mine, let’s see here… ooh that’s mine, this too, ooh and this, can’t forget this… oh hey they left out some toast for me, how considerate… right where was I? ah yes… Just gonna grab this… a little bit of this one… yeesh no they can keep that… Ok that does it for that cupboard, pretty good haul so far, let’s see… how about this one…. That is a lot of instant noodles… like a lot… shame I don’t have anything to heat the water in…. ah well, guess they can keep all this… what next?

Oh right, I was going to look for some more shiny things… let’s see, come here shinies… come on, you know you can’t hide, ah there we are… let’s see here… we have some keys… eh not sure I’ll take them but… let’s see… one over there…. One right here… and this one goes up here… (chuckle) ah… they’re gonna come back here (giggle) and they’re not gonna know where their keys are… ah if only I could see their faces…. Right let’s see here… some coins… ooh I’ll take those, they’ll do nicely… ooh what’s this… it’s got a little chain on it… well little one you are coming with me… hmm… wait is that… a tree? And it’s all covered in shinies, this has to be for me right?? oooh so many and they’re all so neatly hung up… let’s see… I’ll take this ball thingy here… and this one… ooh and this… what about these?!? Oh wait no those are lights… hmm… maybe…. Nope nevermind it’s too big… but this… this is nice…. Ah… the things people just leave lying around… I mean it’s inside their home but, y’know that didn’t exactly stop me now did it?

Hmm… maybe I missed some stuff in the kitchen, this bag still has some room, besides I’m on a roll tonight… hmm did I check the fridge yet…?

(door sound)

Oh hey… wait-

who am I? I uh… I am insulted, you really don’t recognise me after all the time we spent talking about… stuff?!? What am I doing here? Well… I could ask you the same thing, everyone else left, what are you still doing here, me turning it around on you? No, I have a reason to be here, why are you here? You live here? Well…. I didn’t see you while I was hanging out with the others… I dunno your story is seeming pretty weak here. Your were… in your room? Oh… that explains that light… hmm? Oh nothing, so why weren’t you going out with the others? You… don’t like loud, packed spaces full of people? Heh you and me both… Hmm? Oh yeah I guess it does explain why I’m here….I was… invited over by the others and decided I would…. Prepare snacks for when they get back? See… just like I said, totally legitimate reason to be here… what happened to your toast? Wait that was your- I mean, I think I saw…. The tall one eat it… y’know um…. Yeah I think that’s what they said their name was haha… I could make you another if you’d like? Nice, I was just starting to feel peckish myself….

There we go… do I go to this college? Um yeah… sure I do… what do I study? I’m… focusing on property law… yeah… How about you?... ah I see… not what I’d have picked but you do you. How’d I meet the others? Oh y’know, just bumping into them… life stuff y’know? No? ah… having trouble meeting people? Well, the trick is you gotta get out there, where the people are… public spaces, events…. Other people’s houses, gotta grab all the ‘opportunities’ you can… ooh this’ll do nicely… Hmm? Like I said, I’m preparing snacks for when they get back, I remember one of them mentioning they like these… I’ve heard the fastest way to a person’s heart is through their stomach, so you could always try that? And if that fails I’m told between the third and fourth rib is also a good spot (laughs) I joke of course but yes, get good at cooking, people love food, you provide food and people will interact with you to get to it, that’s your in… speaking of which can I get something to drink I’m really thirsty right now… great thank you… now where was I… ah right, once you’re there get them to talk about themselves, that way you know what topics to focus on so you can keep the conversation going… let’s see here… ooh that’s nice… and this one as well, oh right, and then you can weigh up whether you feel a connection and then boom, friends, pretty neat huh?

Sure it’s that simple, You just gotta remember people are more predictable than they like to think, I mean someone could probably just walk into your house and if they act confident enough about it they won’t get questioned on it, it’s pretty neat actually… Nah I’m talking hypothetically… as far as you know… Just kidding haha…

Hmm? You have a question about me? My… tail? Oh right, that’s just because I’m a tanuki… yeah like a raccoon, except without the whole… stealing from people bit… and the fact I basically look entirely like a human… You don’t have a problem with that do you? Ah I’m glad, you know I have met so many people who will just write me off as a thief just because of the whole raccoon thing, I mean , I’m only trying to sort your garbage properly, just because I’m part raccoon doesn’t mean I can’t be a responsible member of society, ugh the nerve of some people right? yeah exactly, totally out of order.

Hey you look tired… do you need to go to bed? Yeah I thought so… oh one thing before you go… do you think you could open the front door for me? It seems to be locked and they forgot to give me a key to let myself out… thank you.

(door opening sound)

The snacks? Oh don’t worry I already got them set up, you enjoy your rest, oh and I don’t want to ruin the surprise for the others so… don’t tell them you saw me y’know? Great! See you around, and good luck with meeting people, remember my advice!

(door closes)

…Suckers

​

please credit using: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHlqaz-C2ZxRJGp5MVeiBEg/videos