(Magic SFX)

My, my what do we have here, a new arrival?... Where are you? Aww, you really don’t know? Doesn’t the fire and brimstone give it away? Not to mention the screaming? My poor naïve darling, you’re in hell, H E double hockeysticks, downstairs, the underworld… it has many names. But none of that matters, all that you need to know is that you’re here for eternity… why? Well someone wasn’t paying attention in their religious studies now were they? Not that I’d blame you, all those platitudes and commandments are a little too… plain for my taste. Well… allow me to give you the short version, humans are cast into hell if they lived a sinful life beforehand, eternal damnation as punishment for your actions and all that. But yes, you make one little slip up there, and this is where you end up.

You don’t think you deserve to be here? Well then you would be… absolutely right. You should see your face I totally got you, didn’t I… No, you really don’t deserve to be down here, I’ve looked over your file, you’ve honestly lived a fairly innocent life compared to most. You really think you’d get punished with eternal damnation for something as simple as ‘taking the Lord’s name in vain’ of course not or we’d be inundated down here. My apologies but I just found that look on your face too adorable to pass up. What would you call it? Fear, confusion, despair? All rolled into one, it suits you. Hmm? If you don’t deserve it then why are you here? Well, let me ask you a question human, do you remember dying?... ah you hadn’t thought of that yet had you? It’s amusing how you can forget such an important detail in the face of… eternal torment. But yes, you didn’t arrive here under normal conditions, your soul didn’t pass here after your death. You were summoned down here while you slept with your body still intact.

Send you home? Now why would I do that when I worked so hard to get you here? Oh and don’t think you can just walk out of those doors behind you, like I said, you’re still alive down here, I might be aware of that but… the demons out there, they would just mistake you as a soul that escaped their torment and would just throw you back with the others. You would surely perish, last I checked, getting stabbed kills people, although be my guest if you truly wish to test that theory… I thought not. In here though, you are under my protection, You are safe with me. You truly do not wish to stay here? I will not deny I am a little hurt but I do understand… How about this…

(magic SFX)

A contract, Just sign on the little dotted line at the bottom and I’ll send you back up to the land of the living to carry out the rest of your lifetime, no one will even notice you were gone… A catch? Well, aren’t you a clever little one? Well, it seems only fair I explain what you would be agreeing too, after all… professionals have standards. As I previously stated I will send you back home to your bed, and you will continue your life as if all this was a dream… however upon your death, whenever that may be. You will belong to me, to do with what I wish, your soul will not be judged in the ordinary procedure and instead you will be taken straight here to my palace where I will be waiting for you. Although, I may see fit to occasionally… pop in to see how my little darling is doing up in the living world. What if you don’t sign it? Well, if you don’t then I have no obligation to help you return home, you would live out the rest of your human lifespan down here with me… I’m not giving you much of a choice? Well, I suppose not but it’s more choice than most who end up down here are offered.

Why you? Now that is an interesting question. I picked you out myself because you seemed… special. I’m used to dealing with the worst of the worst down here, those that truly qualify for ‘eternal damnation’ it can be… easy to lose sight of the positive side of humanity… But you see, that’s where you come in… when I was… browsing for the human I wanted to take for my own, I saw many kinds of human, those who were selfish, those who were harmless keeping themselves to themselves, I saw the contemptable, I saw the great… And amongst that I saw you. I saw kindness… The warm smile you gave even to complete strangers, the gentle way you treated even the smallest of animals and the selfless care you showed for those around you… I had not seen such a thing for many years and it made me feel something besides contempt for the first time in centuries. That is why I picked you, and it is why I promise that while under my care no harm shall come to you, I want to preserve that… good in you. In a place like this that is so completely… dark and evil, with nothing to counterbalance it… even for a demon who is supposed to revel in such things it feels… empty. But you, with you I feel things, with you I want to make you smile at me, to protect you… perhaps even to love someday. I am aware that an eternity in Hell is not the most… appealing thing to sign on for but I promise I will do all I can to make it a heaven for the two of us.

You… would like to make a different kind of deal? Well, this is most unconventional but I will hear you out, what is it you propose? I send you up to Earth and we will go on… ‘dates’ during my visits, to decide whether you would like to spend eternity here with me? Well, it is an interesting prospect… Alright, I was getting bored of contracts anyway, it would be nice to have you spend time with me willingly… You truly are a different kind of human aren’t you?... I believe it is time for you to return home… I shall look forward to our next meeting, in the meantime don’t change… the world needs more people like you, even if it does not always seem like it. Farwell.

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