My partner is a very tidy non-ADHDer. He prefers all surfaces to be cleaned off and gets upset with me when I leave things out. He's also an "acts of service" love language person, so apparently when I leave a mess it's sending a message that I don't love him... (This is something I've sussed out, not something he's toxically throwing in my face.)

I have absolutely no concept of how to manage my possessions or how to handle future trash like receipts and mail. Also, when my things aren't out I forget that they exist.

So I need to be able to see my things to know they exist, but laundry/receipts/mail are paralyzing and I can't seem to handle putting them away. And I'm not allowed to have my stuff out so I don't know any of it exists... like I try to have hobby stuff, but if it's not out I won't do it and continue to be a boring person with no skills or interests.

This other thing happens where when he asks me to put things away I get frustrated, I think because I feel ashamed of myself and like I've let him down and he's upset with me and I can't handle that. I've also been getting "talked to" about cleaning up for my entire life and when it happens it makes me spiral and hate myself. When I get "talked to" it just makes me wosh I could wipe my existence away.

We just had one of these situations play out, where he asked me to put things up and I got frustrated and did it but he got upset with me for getting frustrated and now I hate myself.

When stuff like this happens I just wish I didn't exist because then people could at least throw my stuff away and it wouldn't bother anyone anymore.

So I have three questions: 1. How do you manage your stuff?

1. How do you explain to your non-ADHD partner why it's so hard foe you to manage your stuff. How do you make them understand?

2. Why am I having such an extreme reaction to my partner asking me to tidy up?