To rub my defect in my parents' faces and show them how they were responsible for making my life much more conflicted than it should have been.

They always feel like a safe haven, but I never felt that way. Now, I am looking to diagnose myself with autism, ADHD, and giftedness to show them all their negligence.

But that will never happen. They are too proud for that, and they would see me as ungrateful. They are too superficial to take the time to understand who I am.

I will continue living with this resentment, and I will never be able to give them the typical pride they expected from me. I say this mainly in relation to my father. He looks at me, even when I am doing nothing in particular, and feels contempt. I am a disappointment to my own father.

I remember once when I was urging him to go to therapy. He said he would. Time passed and he did nothing about it. I thought it reasonable to tell him that I felt disappointed. He retorted by saying that I always disappointed him.

I hate him. I hate him so much. And I can't explain to him why I hate him, because he is a damn narcissist. A coward who only cares about money.

I wish so much that he knew how negligent he is. But he always talks about money, how proud he is of helping me financially with school and health insurance.

You are the main reason for my downfall, and you will never realize it. I want you to die. You are a plague to everyone around you, and it will always be that way.