I feel one of the worst aspects of ADHD for me that I really struggle with is the complete lack of self discipline in order to avoid making life more stressful and difficult later (i.e. impulsive buying to fill that dopamine fix/have stuff to look forward too = money problems later and spiraling with dperession and anxiety over it and similar feedback loop with being unable to get a job and feeling useless lacking the self esteem to keep trying). I guess this is what ADHD driven self destruction looks like.

I have so much trouble closing that loop on the lack of dopamine and feeling fulfilled that I may start something, but I don't remain consistent with it and therefore make progress in the right direction in my life. Without the external structure of grad school, I've just been a mess in life not actively engagin in where I'm going but rather being pulled behind a truck hoping the world won't be too terrible in the future in light of everything happening. Having depression and anxiety doesn't help either

I am on medication (started back on non stimulants a few months ago) and have been in therapy for years, but the executive dysfunction and finding self discipline is still very much there. Has anyone been able to break out of this loop and found a good life for yourself that doesn't feel like you are Sisyphus 24/7?