Things you can expect to see in Gameday threads

"If Trevor Knight can just be a game manager we have a chance."

"I'm pretty sure Ratley has more drops than catches this year."

"How seriously fucked would this defense be without Myles Garret?"

"Is one of the stadium upgrades an extra special hot seat for Sumlin to sit on on the sideline?"

"[Insert Hoobastank pun]"

"Why is Johnny Manziel on the sideline? Wasn't he reported missing a week ago?"

"How seriously fucked would this offense be without Christian Kirk?"

"What's wrong with Speedy?"

"I thought all the Williams running backs graduated."

"I hate these uniforms."

"I'm still blaming Spav for this."

Best Battle Going Into Fall Camp:

Jake Hubenak vs. Noel Mazzone for best team mustache.

Biggest Questions This Fall:

What kind of car does Keith Ford drive?

How will Kirk's back hold up from carrying this offense?

How much Big Chief is in Chief's mouth right now?

Does the liquor store take blood or do I have to go to a blood bank first?

Can Myles Garret play [fill in position]?

Sure Things for this Fall:

Trevor Knight's character and leadership are praised.

A player will get reprimanded for something he says on Twitter (I've got 5:3 odds on Daylon Mack).

Weird shit will go down during the Auburn game.

Ags beat an overrated team on the road.

Game by Game prediction:

UCLA: Sumlin proves to be inferior to the great Ken Wisenhunt in games he has 7 months to prepare for. UCLA, despite knowing Mazzone's playbook, can't do jack shit with Christian Kirk and the game devolves into a defensive crippled fight. UCLA lets the Aggies stay in the game only to win in overtime 51-48. (0-1)

Prairie View A&M: Knight and Hubenak throw for the exact same number of yards in a 38-7 rout. The sideline reporter asks some dumb question about a brewing quarterback battle at the end of the game. (1-1)

Auburn: Auburn sets a record for most multi-QB formations in a game. Up 24-0 at half A&M holds up its end of the bargain in winning as the road team but not before JC transfer John Franklin III scores 21 points in 8 minutes in the fourth quarter before Ricky Seals-Jones grabs the game sealing onside kick. (2-1)

Arkansas: Arkansas builds up a 14-0 first quarter lead on the Ags without throwing a pass. Unfortunately Austin Allen is not his brother…or rather he is, just not the senior year version. The Aggies come back to win the game 29-28 with a 2 point conversion to win at the gun. (3-1)

South Carolina: Kwame Etwi gets 300 all purpose yards prompting fringe discussion of when has a walk-on ever won a Heisman? This discussion ends when he promptly gets -7 yards on 3 carries the next week. Ags win 31-17. (4-1)

Tennessee: SEC Network analysts are unanimous in agreeing that A&M is a top 25 team and deserving of its #12 ranking. They play like it for for the first half leading Tennessee 17-0. Tennessee comes back with a field goal at the end of the third, a pick six on the next offensive play and their first offensive touchdown of the game with 28 seconds left in the game. Their extra point gets blocked, but they're butts are saved when Daylon Mack picks up the blocked kick and starts a premature celebration and runs out of the back of the endzone for the rare 1 point safety. Tennessee wins in overtime. (4-2)

Alabama: It's revealed Trevor Knight has been playing through injury the last two weeks. Hubestank comes in in relief and guides the Ags successfully across the 50 three times in the game. He gets the game ball and a juice box. (4-3)

New Mexico State: Hubestank gets his second career start and first career win. Four different Aggies have 50 yards rushing. Damien Ratley drops 3 deep passes, but the announcers can't stop talking about what a great connection the two had in JuCo. (5-3)

Mississippi State: Trevor Knight comes back, but Christian Kirk tweaks an ankle on a punt return and is out the whole game. Knight goes all James Van deer Boek from Varsity Blues and tells introduces the revolutionary "fuck it just let Reynolds go up and get it" offense. Reynolds catches five touchdowns and says four words in the post game press conference. Ags roll 38-21. (6-3)

Ole Miss: The military is appreciated, but the Aggies are not. Christian Kirk is still hurt and a few Aggies can be seen chasing dollar bills being cast from fishing poles on the Ole Miss sideline. The defense plays admirably but the offense can't get going and the Aggies fall 21-13. (6-4)

UTSA: The Aggies come ever so close to pitching a shutout, Mazzone, getting Spav levels of cute, tries to run a TE reverse with Myles Garrett at TE. The handoff is muffed UTSA returns the ball to the two. Three consecutive sacks ensue and the Roadrunners have to settle for a field goal. In post game, Trevor Knight announces it's the healthiest he's felt all season. (7-4)

LSU: I spend the entire week crank calling all my old t.u. buddies telling them how badly my team is going to eat their butts. It elevates. I send singing telegrams, you know, like from that movie Clue? The singing's all bright and cheery but full of swears and "I'm glad that last Bevo died" and shit. On Thanksgiving day I feed my friends a Bevo chili a la Cartman in South Park. Meanwhile the Aggies play a team that is not really their rival and they lose mostly because Leonard Fournette (7-5).

Bowl Game: Destiny is not denied and the Ags get to play a 6 win Longhorns team in the Texas Bowl. Both Strong and Sumlin are very cordial in their respective discourse, but each knows he needs to win this game to save his job. Strong steals Sumlin's magical playbook he writes down all his plays in and the offense stalls for three quarters. Sumlin on the verge of tears feels a hand on his shoulder. "Coach, I got this." It's Johnny Manziel, recently escaped from jail. They share a knowing glance and Johnny quickly puts on Connor McQueen's uniform. Manziel scores 35 points in the final quarter, including kicking the extra point and collapses in a post PCP exhaustion on the field. He is helicoptered in to a hospital and sentenced to rehab. Texas protests the game, meanwhile waiting on the result to see whether or not they can fire Strong. A&M goes ahead and fires Sumlin. They court Chip Kelly away from San Francisco a day before the NCAA's decision on the game comes down. Longhorn fans are furious as they are adamant that had Strong been fired Kelly would have chosen them. The rivalry is immediately reinstated and the Ags declare the 2016 season the most successful one seen in years. Johnny Manziel finally hits rock bottom and just wants to be around football again. He begins rehab shortly thereafter and commences with his prison sentence.